No sleep for me

We've been here what three weeks and this place is literally under siege from fucking spiders. You wonder how on earth the council managed to keep the bastards away so they could sell the house. Lets just say my first few weeks in my new home have made me realise I didn't quite get over that fear of spiders. I kinda of just bottled it up and wasn't confronted by many for a few years. Now here I am having to try to sleep in a room that is at night infested with them. I'm sure it's because my mum has the windows open in the day so she can have a puff while she's on the computer. It's horrible for me though. My brother thinks its halarious yet he's the one thats sleeping in the front room and has been known to run from flies and butterflies.

 I can understand the comedy there. Me 6ft 5 and scary to the average person let alone your regular house spider against the small arachnid and only one winner the arachnid. Now I would be cool with them and I'd be damn well sleeping right now if it weren't for them. But the spiders in my room don't appear to be proper spiders. They must be ninja spiders or some shit because on tuesday I woke up to find six of them dangling around me. Two above my tv one just above my light and some others watching on the wall. I got up at first fascinated and then that fear came to me. They give me the creeps. Yet I bravely fought them and managed to catch two as they retreated from above the Tv. I whacked them with a hardback book. Job done.

 With a house spider yes but with these horrible critters no. The bastards only got up and climbed the wall again at which point I scarpered into the frontroom to sleep. Now theres no sleeping at all and I find myself pining for my old house where spiders knew there place and if they existed they did quietly away from me and therefore we both lived happily.

4.9.06 02:55


Good mood, get me.....

My love affair with my mistress Ilford is over. Not that I'll be devoting my time to Hackney again but I've found another one. Redbridge. Well thats the name of the train station nearest my mums new house. My mum wouldn't dream of moving back to Hackney. Not with it's harsh "reputation" which is more due to the fact some daft muppets decided to get mixed up in the drugs and as a consequence got involved with those with the guns and shit. My mums had enough of Ilford anyway it's too noisy for her.

 So we're moving to this two bedroom flat in an area full of old people. When I say old it's not me being a teenager* who believes everything over 40 is old, they are but.... these are actually well into at least thier sixties. At least that was the report I got back from my brother who went to see the place. I think I'll get to see it today. Dunno, but we're moving Monday and theres a big possibility that my mum is going to seize control of my baby, my computer. To put it this way if this computer gets into the hands of my mum and her boyfriend it will bee scrambled, more infested with aids then usual and slow as fuck.

 It will mean for me, no huge libary of music to choose from, no Championship manager and no private convos on the net. Apparently theres a big room and a little room and the big room is kind of designed to be a girls room. My mum wants that room whereas in the past we get the big room as we're bloody messy and collect junk. If mum gets the big room there won't be enough room for the computer and me and my brother would be screwed out of using my darling computer.

But I'm moving back north in September it's not all bad. Next week though I'm going to Amsterdam and this isn't just some kind of statement of intention, we're actually going. I have tickets and haven't let go of them since they got here this morning. I'm a one handed typer. I can't bloody wait till we go even though the coach journey is going to be 12 fucking hours. All I need to sort out between now and then is money. Money's like some fucking superhero to my supervillain in the way it constantly foils my dastardly schemes. But fuck knows what I'd do without it.

Also since I last posted I went to Thorpe Park and went on all the big rides and began to start dreading that I might be getting old. God forbid. It's like two years ago when I went the rides were easy, minor if you like. When I went on last week they must have sped em up or something because they took alot out of me. I can't help thinking thats me getting old. But hey I still went on the biggest and newest one. Stealth. You queue up for like 45 minutes before getting a five second rush. Like drugs without the needles. It takes you 205 foot in the air and gets to 180 mph in just 5 seconds. Hence you pull a stupid face as it takes you away while the waiting queue laughs at you. I found that fun.

Finally if anyone reading this has tips for Amsterdam let me know. The more someone knows the beter. Cheers

 

JB  
9.8.06 10:30


Butterflies

In september I'm back off to Uni, something that's been on my mind for a long time because for me next year will probably determine what way I'm going with life. Last year was fun for all the dossing about and stuff but thankfully I did learn something important, that in itself was life changing to an extent, Journalism is not for me.

So next year I'm taking Film Studies and Creative writing. Now in a way I don't know where I'm going with this entry or perhaps I know where I'm going but there will be absolutely no flow to it. What I want to be in the future is a writer, I think I'm sure of that. The one thing I can do is write, I can play with words when I put my mind to it. Yet what I'm frightened of is that now I no longer have a definite career choice other then "writer" which covers such a wide area, what on earth am I going to do. It's definitly the thing that worries me most of all, I have no direction anymore nothing to aspire to, just that I might be a writer.

 Further more if come December I realise University isn't for me, then what?

When I first started this blog, I loved writing in it, I'd be thinking what should I put in it next or that would be well good to put on my blog. When I wrote it just came out naturally, now I have no such luck. It's now taxing to write anything, I'm a writer with no rythm or no creative output.

Right now I feel like I'm going nowhere at a high speed, that my future is going to be a medicore existence within myself on a psychiatrists chair telling them why I'm a failure and I got absolutely nowhere in life.

 I dunno why I even wrote this? 
24.7.06 02:08


As best friends become strangers.

I finally went back to see my old friends the other day. Back in Hackney where the clubs are so much better then this slum infatuated by the love of all things "gangsta" or by the idea that they are your average Essex boys and girl's.

Now I don't have many people I regard as friends. I have scatterings here and there but not many, not enough to throw a massive rave or something. But once I regard you as a Friend, your practicarly family, to me anyway. So it was hard going back to Hackney the other day because though the place I used to call home hadn't changed all that much, my friends had.

It's one of the disadvantages of going to uni and all that. But it was like we had no common ground any longer, no reason to talk to each other only the fact we'd known each other since we were small meant I could feel comfortable in the same room as them.

It was like being at school again with all them faces you knew, you know there names, you know what football team they support, you were there when they had a fight and at some point you've laughed and joked with them yet they were still strangers to me. I couldn't engage with them.

I can't help thinking I'm in that situation I hate, that time where you move on from those people you used to call bruv.

I dunno to some people its normal but for me its hard.
11.7.06 06:23


More Failure

It's always strange when England get knocked out. It's like I expected it but even in the face of defeat I can't help feeling bitter about the way it happened. Mahybe it's because I spend to much time reading articles where another columnist has an attempt at explaing just why England went out. The most interesting one though was one I read from an old newspaper sitting on the 179 bus coming from Barking.

It was a refreshing article reinstalling my faith in some of our writers as up till then everyone seemed to have the same arguement or perhaps they had interests in protecting certain players from a slaughtering. It had a refreshing opinion that seemed to differ from other neanderthal arguements. I just wish I could remember who wrote it. The only thing is I was unsure if I agreed with it. I'll break it down for you.

 Point 1- Expectation was raised by the medias constant need to overhype players who in all honesty are pretty average.

I agree with this sentiment as I believe some of the players have very limited ability and merely have a very good PR person. One of those is Frank Lampard, a player who's game revolves around his ability to be able to bring goals from midfield. In my opinion he isn't much better then Kevin Nolan, his better long distant shot edges it for me. Outside of that Frank's passing isn't that great and his tackling is just not up to standard though I did enjoy his rape of a Portugal player which he got away with. Sometimes I often feel my big problem with him is that he's not Steven Gerrard

David Beckham is another player who benifits form good PR. After all the so called best free kick taker in the world managed to flunk most of our deadball oppurtunities onto the first man and was saved from a savaging by two free kicks out of a possible thirty actually doing enough to cause a goal. The rest were poor and barely beat the wall. He proved he couldn't beat a player, even with a big stick and most of all he proved he's pretty useless unless he has 10 yards of space to exploit. His reputation was surely the only thing that kept Aaron Lennon on the leash.

Wayne Rooney was another who suffered from a sickening backing from the media. Rushed onto a plane bad foot or not he was expected to carry the nation to victory. As he come on against Trinidad he was hailed as our saviour from mediocrity, our shining light from all the darkness and all that shite. When the match finished he changed the game. This despite the fact it was always inevitable England would score and that eventually the genius came from Sven and Gerrard.

Straying for a moment that Trinidad game showed Sven does have something about him. The inclusion of Downing and Lennon brought width to the side which terrified Trinidad. With Sven realising Trinidad can't attack us he put Beckham at right back freeing up room for him to deliver crosses in his preferred ten yards of space. The width created made more space in the middle made room for the likes of Lampard and Crouch to exploit. Somehow though Rooney hogged the credit because he was fortuanate enough to come on with the real star of the show young Lennon.

That day and again after the Sweden game I told anyone that would listen that the fact Rooney wasn't himself, as the injury had more bearing on his game then the media would let you think and the fact he wasn't as good as everyone kept saying he was meant that the first decent opposition he came against would mean he would get shown up. Cue the Portugal match and the rest is history.

But no he didn't deserve to get sent off and yes he did show the glimpses of class which proved that he is a player of great potential. But unlike Stevie Gerrard he isn't Mr. Right now. 

Back to the topic at hand and we have John Terry, who with Frank Lampard apparently give us an unbeatable core. Though I've already touched on Lampard I believe the Chelsea players suffer because they play for Chelsea. They are meant to be this great English core who are given all the credit for a Chelsea victory and are hyped up by thier manager, colleagues and journalists alike. It's just when they play for England they suddenly look ordinary.

The rest of the squad doens't get much better. Downing's in because he has a left foot but is otherwise another average player. Gary Neville is an automatic choice yet considering Danny Mills at the last world cup and Carragher and Hargreaves at this world cup, he doesn't actually offer anything they don't. However there is another BUT.....

Point 2- The claim this England side is the best we've probably had since 66 is a joke! Thats why Sven isn't to blame.

Here is where me and the writer differ. The pool of English players we have now is the best since I've been alive. Though there is certainly a weakness in some positions like Right back, in goal and on the left there is still an abudance of strength in other positions. For starters our fourth choice centre back has starred for Liverpool in the last two seasons yet plays anywhere but centre back for England. Despite a relatively young squad thier is masses of experience there. Half of the squad were at Euro 2000 for example. 

In central midfield some players would walk into other sides. Why Carrick doesn't get a game is beyond me. Ultimately it is down to Sven to pick a team. For me the way forward is to have a team who attacks like germany have at this tournament. The stale Italian style Football doesn't suit England and thats been Sven's downfall. Gerrard has been criticised for hitting long balls, yet Sven has England deep and pegged back in your own half to get forward you have to hit one of the isolated front men its the only way.

Sven's decision to pick Walcott was baffling as was the decision to take Jermaine Jenas. Neither of them got a look in to the first team even in the friendlies. Wouldn't it have been a better idea with Rooney and Owen suffering from injuries to take Defoe and Bent who didn't go mainly because Sven doesn't really fancy them that much. That way you have five strikers two who you can call upon should disaster strike Owen or Rooney. Against Portugal we needed a livewire up front but instead we had Crouch who wasn't ever going to score. The last thing we needed was a striker whos game revolves around bringing midfielders into the game when we're down to ten men. But he's all we had as it was all Sven brought with us. When the Premiership is dubbed one of the top three leagues in the world you have to trust strikers who are scoring don't you?

 
5.7.06 10:55


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